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Susan couldn't pull me backthis time because she wasn't here anymore.I'd tried it at home - tried to make myself change - but it hadn'tworked. I had tried until my knuckles were white and my throat was raw.My only hope was that here, at the place where it happened before, itwould happen again.I shut the door to my office in Bill's face and walked over to thedesk. Bill had obviously been in here since I'd left but nothing seemeddisturbed really.I went round to my side of the desk and had one last look around. Thishad been my office for a long time. I had dedicated my life to doinggood here, no matter how unappreciated I might have been. I would havestayed here until I retired. But that wasn't going to happen now. Itwas over.Feeling very weary, I walked round to the visitor's chair and sat down.This was where it started. All I had to do now was imagine what itwould be like to be Jenna Jones again and let the magic take me awayfrom this pain.I pictured Jenna Jones' face in my mind. Slim. A friend, a companion who was turning into more.The man I love.And my place was with him, in bed beside him. No longer tormented by the what could have beens or what should have beens. Letting someone else in isn't a sign of weakness or disloyalty. By choosing to live, I honor my wife and daughter.I finished my drink and walked up the stairs and through the house, into the bedroom. Tony blinked sleepily and reached for my hand."You okay?" Despite his drowsiness, his gaze sharpened and he sat up. He must have sensed something. His instincts can be really good sometimes.I nodded and he just watched me, no doubt hoping I'd speak. I wouldn't have under usual circumstances but it felt right to do so now. "Yeah, I'm okay, Tony." Where ya been?" He was concerned but trying to play it off casually.Normally I would have rolled my eyes and ignored that question, but he deserved more. He's the man I love. "Downstairs. I needed to get some things clear."An uneasy look appeared in his eyes and he.
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